In an ongoing attempt to uncover misogynistic fuckery in pop music that informed my wayward youth, today I set my sites on dissecting the lyrics of one of music's catchiest lessons on how to date rape a girl that just wants to dance with you. That song is "Faded" by Soul Decision. If you haven't listened in a while, treat yourself below. If you have, you know that these frost-tipped Diet Americans (Read: Canadians) are a date rapist/pick-up artist team of ne'er-do-wells. Mamas, don't let your sons grow up to be Soul Decision fans. (Spoiler Alert: They probably wouldn't anyway cause this wasn't a #1 hit and they'll probably never hear it cause it doesn't have the retro cache of say a Snow or a Nelly jam. Regardless, exercise caution and check their YouTube histories from time to time to be certain.) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8ElS3eS0I8]
Because this blog is about nothing if not hard-hitting journalism, my first order of business was the fact-check. This is always a treat when looking for song lyrics because websites devoted to cataloging song lyrics have a time-honored tradition of maintaining the look and feel of a Geocities site built in 1998, complete with pop-up ads for making songs your ringtone.
Also, until I was 27 I thought that Peter Gabriel was singing, "She's...so popular" instead of "Jeux, sans frontieres" in the song "Games Without Frontiers" so I really can't be trusted on my own with these things.
But the first site I went to claimed that the first line of the song is:
"When I get you all alone, I'm gonna move in nice and close."
I've jammed to this jam enough times to know that the first line of this song is "When I get you all alone, I'm gonna take off all your clothes" so I investigated further. That line is some mad aggro man shit and someone was trying to cover it up.
But a quick Wikipedia visit confirmed that I have been listening to the "explicit" version. Of course I was, cause #foreverwild. No harm, no foul. Or so I thought.Falling deeper into the Soul Decision Google wormhole, egregious discrepancies emerged.
Was it "‘Cause I like the way you’re making your move," OR " Cause I like the way you're making me move"? The former is a compliment on a lady's game but the latter suggests that the feminine wiles of the woman in question has bewitched our singer into actions that are beyond his control. Was this lyric benign or rape culture in action? Answers eluded me.
Was it "When we first met yo that deal was faded, You spent like my D's the way we compensated;" OR "When we first met yo that deal was faded, You spent like my D's the way we conversated." I have no fucking idea what any of this part of the song means but it's the principle of the thing, you know?
I'm informed that keeping it under 750 words means people are more likely to read an entire post so I won't provide the full list of errors I discovered. My conclusion is that there is a vast Illuminati conspiracy (for the sake of clarity, you should know that I believe that all conspiracies are linked to the Illuminati, this one doesn't have tell-tale characteristics or anything) to keep the true meaning and purpose of this song out of our reach so that we might appropriately Internet-scold the perpetrators over a decade later.
What remains undisputed across platforms is the most damning lyric of all, however. "At the end of the night when I make up your mind You’ll be coming on home with me, yea yea yea." Yes ladies, your little mind can't be trusted to make the decision whether or not to go home and get biblical with the toe-headed gentleman in blue. He will be making that call for you, kthanxbai.
Be safe this Independence Day, and if you see this man at the club, run.