A Book I Wrote Lives In The World

When I finished the first draft of my book, I was told by many, "The hard part is over!" I believed this because writing the book was rather hard indeed! Devious jackals, all of them! The hardest part of writing a book is reading the book afterwards. When I received the first proof pages in the mail in July, I was too scared to look at them myself and entrusted several confidantes to look it over while I jumped around the PDF document, never fully accepting that it was a proper book. When I received my galley copies in the mail, I felt like i was being invited to a surprise party for myself but that I was expected to host. (Don't read into that metaphor, it is trash).  I am not some kind of ingrate so I tooka photo of one to celebrate and put on the internet:

 

 

Now just because I photographed it in my hands did not mean I read the thing. I left the book in the guest room, scared of it like it was a horcrux or a pregnancy test result that I wasn't ready to face yet. Until this week.

This week I sat down and read the book and was like, "Oh, well it seems we have ourselves a fuckin' party!" Sure, there are places I cringed and made a note for my copyeditors (copy editors?) and some where I was like, "Who does this bitch think she is?" But mostly I was relieved and happy, way less concerned that I would disappoint my friends, lovers, and fans and stoked that my growing stable of worthy nemeses will be irate! 

Below, like the fabled drug dealer from D.A.R.E. who gives you your first hit for free (spoiler alert: drug dealers don't do that!), I have provided some excerpts below. If you're picking up what I'm throwing down, pre-order it for yourself or the wild-eyed fan with lots of feelings in your life.