The Entire History on Online Dating

photo(2) The accuracy of this mock online dating message from Brian is startlingly accurate to the point that I was suspicious that he might have gained access to ancient archived OKCupid profiles to produce an almost exact replica.  But really he JUST GETS ME SO HARD, WHY DON'T WE JUST SEE THAT WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER? They make movies about this conundrum.

Reasons it is perfect:

I'm not coming to Astoria.  Probably ever. So there's that.

I love commas and periods.  Writing without them makes it look like you're methed out while texting.

I was once talking about my unease when the NYPD is around and mentioned that firefighters aren't much better and he said, "Well firefighters are just suicidal cops, right?" Which was wildly inappropriate for him to say as a professional but also funny.  The handful of firefighters to whom I've relayed his assessment have not been so amused.

Truth is, I would probably see Denis Leary live if given free tickets.  But I just really love The Sandlot.