I Don't Want to Watch "The Wire." Stop Trying to Make Me Watch "The Wire."

Yesterday, a man tried to convince me that I must run, not walk, to the nearest device that permits the viewing of five-years-dead-HBO-shows and sit down for sixty episodes of one of the most intelligent and raw television viewing experiences I will likely ever have: The Wire.  As if I have never been told that it's quite good. As if I don't have friends or the Internet. He is the unlucky straw that broke the camel's back, he is at least the tenth man to INSIST that I HAVE to watch the show. I get it, you guys.  I seem mad smart with a certain edge to me. Social and political issues around American decline and urban corruption intrigue me at a less-than-superficial level. I like me some motherfucking books.  I want to be a part of important conversations. I love NUANCE and ALLEGORIES.  Really,  I appreciate your votes of confidence. But for the last goddam time, stop trying to get me to watch The Wire. I don't want to watch The Wire. Below are ten perfectly acceptable reasons why, though I don't actually need any.

1.  The YouTube clip you sent me of the show failed to entice me.

2.  If I want to see Dominic West in action, I will watch his cameo in SpiceWorld.

3. If I want to see Idris Elba in action, I will watch the mindlessly entertainly Luther or that smutty movie with Beyonce and Ali Larter.

4.  I actually don't care for Shakespeare much either, so that comparison is not a value-add.

5. I already know that cities, crime, people, and bureaucracies are mad complex.

6. It is not my fault if you can't explain a real-life situation without referencing The Wire.  That is on you, not on me.

7.  For spite, because someone shrieked "FUCK YOU!" totally unnecessarily when I said I would never watch it.

8.  Because I don't want to.

9. Because you can't make me.

10. Because "My Cat From Hell" is on, OKAY?

*Drops the mic, lights cigarette, walks out.*