As you probably know, cats and fashion are having their day and I for one could not be happier. Fancy fashion cats are blowing up Twitter, throwing exciting fashion shows at cool hotels, and cat apparel is appearing on high-trafficked lady sites too. But I bet you've been wondering when I, a known cat fashion enthusiast and reputable source of all things fashion would weigh in with all my cat style secrets. Today is when, motherfucker. For years, cat people have waited in the shadows as bird-silhouettes, that wretched sea monster the octopus, tiny deer, and those insufferable know-it-all owls had their days in the fashion spotlight. WELL IT'S OUR TIME NOW.
Daytime Corporate Cat
I read in a fashion magazine a few years ago that wearing a memorable, classy patterned shirt with a suit to job interviews makes you stand out and is increasingly acceptable outside of business-formal settings. I subsequently decided that every job I was ever rejected for was because I had worn solids and not because of any mistakes during my interviews or gaps in my skill set.
With this shirt from Forever 21, I will never lose out on another position again. A cat pattern shows that you are a person of style, sophistication, and professionalism. This shirt also has the added value of curbing my animal hoarding urges. I realize it's irresponsible and incredibly inhumane to have 37 real live cats but I still find no sight more compelling than that of as many cats as possible. These cats are one-dimensional but it doesn’t make them any less sexy or compelling.
Party Like A King Nighttime Cat
I have two friends, from Iran and Serbia respectively, who believe that constitutional monarchies are the best options for their home countries' governance. I never fully understood how anyone in the 21st century could feel this way until I found this Cat-as-King-Tutankhamun muscle tee at Marshall's.
I would be totally down for a monarchy with a cat at the helm. They would be the ultimate benevolent dictators and there is nothing cuter than a cat wearing a tie. The only thing that even comes close is a baby dressed as a lobster and even those can be hit-or-miss.
So this shirt doubles as both a political statement and a party shirt. I like to pair it with colorful jeans because colorful jeans are a thing now and I am trying really hard to get into things that are now things.
True story, on my way home from wearing this out, I ran into the more rare but still exciting cat fashion MAN on the subway and asked if I could take this picture of his shirt. Since cat people are the best people, he happily obliged.
#ForeverAlone Homebody Vintage Cat
In the summer of 2008, I went on three dates with an excellent cat man named Kevin. Though he moved away for graduate school that fall, to this day I receive cat-related paraphernalia in the mail on holidays and birthdays. A cat bond is a bond for life. This photo features both an exquisite wall-hanging from Kevin and a hand-painted vintage cat sweatshirt.
To be honest, I have no idea what is going on with this sweatshirt. It has a giant rectangular screen on it and the cat appears to be gazing into a crystal ball with a Christmas tree inside, I assume seeking answers to the riddles of the universe. The thing about cat ladies is that people are going to assume that you're already batshit so having clothes with nonsense cat scenes on them is totally a-okay.
I paired this with a friend's "Crazy Cat Lady" mug to complete the look. Because it stops being sad if you just totally own it.
Catcessories for Your Busy Lifestyle
By far the worst thing about having sex is the fact that you are not able to wear cat clothing during the act, reminding your partner that yeah, they're alright but that cats are your real priority in life. That's where the cat manicure comes in.
A cat manicure is surprisingly simple (or Claire is just a master that made it look that way when she did mine all easy-like) and it allows you have ten miniature portraits of your feline friend with you at all times because we all know that going all the way to your phone's picture gallery is something you simply don't have time for when you’re a super exciting and busy cat person.
Speaking of phones, does yours have a case? It should, phones are very fragile and expensive. Skin-It will take your cat's photo (or any photo, but LBR, who wants anything but a cat photo for these things?) and make a custom case featuring your itty bitty kitty's beautiful little head. Or a full-body shot if you’re feeling frisky. (Did you see what I did there?)
Like I said, no one has time to open their phone's photo gallery so simply leaving your phone screen down at cool events while your special someone's beautiful little mug gazes back up at you is the most stylish way to keep your furry companion around when you’re on the go. Unfortunately, my cat Keith did not cooperate as either a scarf OR a bra for the final photo. But oh my God, THAT FACE. If loving him more than anything is wrong, I don’t ever want to be right.