My Imaginary Boyfriends: Irish Edition

Happy Belated St. Patrick's Day! Easily my least favorite holiday, I spent it wearing black and bemoaning all those green Dr. Seuss hats and frat daddies loudly proclaiming what percentage of their DNA be of the Emerald Isle while their girlfriends vommed on the subway platform.   But that doesn't mean that Ireland hasn't given us plenty of awesome other things and today I want to acknowledge one of those things:  Hot Babes. Today, let us celebrate those babes and the fact that we have nearly a year between now and that unholy parade of drunken, green-tinted foolery. Cillian Murphy


Now this androgynous yet oddly enticing ghoul is not for everyone.  But he once called Maggie Gyllenhaal "foxy" which is an adjective to describe ladies that needs to come back in a big way.  The pronunciation of his first name has the word "kill" in it which also contributes to his possible bad-boy, so-pale-he-might-be-a-few-minutes-dead appeal.  Also, The Wind That Shakes the Barley, tear-fest to the max.  Thanks for the memories, Cill.

Michael Fassbender


Ugh, this is a hard one because Fassbender may or may not be a raging, violent asshole. But if you've seen Shame and have a thing for tortured, possibly incestuous dudes with severe addictions to sex and exercise, you feel the Fassbender love.  Or maybe you just really liked X-Men.  That might be it too.

Colm Meaney as Miles O'Brien


Okay, I know, weird.  I want to be clear that this crush exists exclusively in the world of Star Trek: The Next Generation and to some extent, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.  This often overlooked character from the groundbreaking series was a cellist and man who got things done, particularly during the Klingon Civil War.  Also, Colm Meaney was the first famous person I ever saw in real life back in 1999 at a Speech and Debate Tournament at CSU Fullerton.  What he was doing there is anyone's guess.

Liam Neeson

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Saving lives in Schindler's List! Killing wolves in The Grey! Hunting Eastern European sex traders in Taken! Is there anything this man can't do?  Liam Neeson is one for the ages.  I like to think that if we ever got on the phone together, he might say something like this to me (edits are in caps, if you couldn't tell) , "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for LOVE, I can tell you I don't have any for you. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a DREAM COME TRUE for people like you. If you let ME COME OVER now, that'll be the BEGINNING of it. AFTER THAT, I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."  That's just how bad he wants me.

Niall Horan


When I went to find this picture, I found out that NIall has only read one book in its entirety in his life (To Kill a Mockingbird)  and his hero is Michael Buble.  I can forgive these things because One Direction is just such a force for good and joy in the world.

This has been your daily dose of grown-ass women continuing to have celebrity crushes.  Drink safely.